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A preface to the story, I have not tried below in the story to be logically correct. So if you come from a psychological background. You may question certain practices or medication but I request you to read the content below as a work of fiction, attempting to convey the weight of human emotions
Dr. Pragya was written on the nameplate placed
on that clumsy desk of a medical clinic. It was approximately of 400sq feet area with a huge
wallpaper on the left of the desk with a picture of family spending time in the
beach with its kids making castle in the sand with a name printed on its left
corner “THOUGHT CARE Mental Health Foundation”. An open window and a wavy
curtain on the right side of the desk, it must be a windy day. But Pragya the
doctor seated seemed to be in no mood to enjoy the breeze. A good looking woman
in her late twenties, fair, untouched by makeup with piercing eyes, but
seemed not so involved with the work, though it was 10 in the morning. She was
looking at something on her phone, she tapped as she found what she was searching
for and placed the phone on the desk.
A song started playing, it sounded as if it was
a romantic one from 80’s with lyrics something like “I some time don’t hear to
what you say, as we know our way …” or something like was running in the
background. Pragya got up from her desk to reach to the small cupboard behind and took out a small glass container with few pills remaining in
it. She sat on her chair and took a pill from the container and swallowed it
with a gulp of water. The phone on her desk rang immediately, on the other side
came a voice of a middle-aged lady, there was fear in the voice while saying “Pragya,
my child what is the tablet that you swallowed now?”
--X--
It was Pragya’s mother, Arthi calling from Cairo
where she was taking care of her daughter in law after she delivered a
baby.
Pragya replied to her mother’s question.
Pragya: Maa its just thymine.
Arthi: Pragya, esht dina hinge irthiya (how long
will this go). I regret so much for not being there with you. Its been a year
already and we still… (a deep pause). Don’t do this Pragya.
Pragya: Maa its just thymine and I have already
told you about it. I am not hiding anything. I love you so much I am not going
to harm myself, why are you scared.
Arthi: That’s the same tablet to keep remembering you
past right. Whatever you are taking does not make me feel that you are happy at
all. I keep seeing this CCTV almost the whole day. I know, I can’t be there where
ever you go but I so much feel I am doing very less to my child, dear. I want
you to be happy Pragya, I don’t want you to be like this.
Arthi got emotional holding the tears in her eyes. She
was happy that she was not there right now in front of her daughter as both she
and her husband never cried in front of their children.
Pragya: Maa I am doing good, you don’t have to
look out for me to see if I am harming myself in any way. I have consulted
doctors before doing this. If you miss me then give a call. I love you, I
assure that I am not going to harm myself, It’s a new Me, I will change but
accept me for a while.
Arthi: I have always and will always accept but it’s
almost a year since he left. Everyone will have a breakup but why is your’s
bothering us so much.
Pragya: I have also had breakups before maa. But
I should not lie, whatever I had with Ashwin was not common. The deepest
feelings and understandings of each other that we were sharing, felt so much
acceptable, the feel of each other’s proximity, the contact of the eye we made when
we touched the deepest part of each, the feelings cannot be replaced and I
don’t want anyone else to feel bad being with them carrying all these
memories inside me.
Arthi: I don’t know if this needs to be told to a
psychiatrist. But shouldn’t a new memory replace past experiences? Date
someone new, get to know a new person.
Pragya: Maa you know that I have tried but no one could replace. It leaves me with so much regret later. Ashwin has not
left me, you know that I don’t think he will leave also. Let me wait, he will come back
Arthi: But esht dina innu unnatural aagi medicine
thogondu emotions control madkothiya(but how long do you intend to control
emotions taking medicines)
Pragya: I get into depression with new relationships so this is better for
me. It has no side effects don’t worry maa.
Arthi: Ok… (a pause)
Pragya: How is my niece.
Arthi: She is good, take a vacation and come over.
A bell rang from the outside reception
Pragya: Maa, I have a client I will talk to you
later
Arthi: Ok, don’t suggest this thymine thing to anyone else
dear, please
Pragya understood the sarcasm in her mother’s
tone
Pragya: Don’t worry I will not let my personal
life affect my clients. I am just analyzing reports these days
Pragya cuts the call and waits for her client to come
in and be seated
--X--
‘Hello’, said Vikram thinking within himself as he entered “I
would not have said just a hello if I was alright, sounds so much not me,
anyway, she is a psychiatrist she would know. I don’t have to stress a lot I will
be fine”.
Pragya greeted him back and asked him how he was. ‘I
am doing better, but the memories are still quite alive, can't concentrate on my work and feels like there’s a change in me’ said Vikram with concern.
‘You will be alright soon, what did your counselor, David say?’ asked Pragya. ‘He
said I should be fine in some time and not to stress a lot on how I should be
and all that, I get that, but at times things become a little helpless’, Pragya
consoled him with a ‘that’s ok’. Recalling her past, she dint want to talk more.
Pragya opened the reports of Vikram told Vikram ‘The thymine content in your blood says that it
would take around 2 months for you to come out of your relationship’. Vikram was surprised hearing that, he was surprised how they could predict the duration of his emption ‘that’s
a long time’ he said in a worried tone.
‘Not really, that’s actually normal time. So we
have two options either to wait for two months or to take tablets to regulate
Thymine and come out of it soon’ Vikram was again puzzled listening to it, Pragya read that from his face and asked why,
‘I don’t want to take tablets, can it be solved with counseling?’ asked Vikram. ‘Sure
I have had a talk with David, everything is normal you are showing improvements
you can do without tablets but it takes longer and a regular follow up, there
will be no side effects with tablets either so you can decide’.
‘No, I will like to manage without tablets’, said
Vikram. ‘That’s perfectly fine’ Pragya said
‘Can you tell me one thing doctor?’ asked Vikram. ‘Yes
please’ said Pragya. ‘Are emotions, so very less emotional that it can be dealt
with medication’. Pragya thought for a while and said ‘I don’t know if it's less
or more emotional, but it surely is manageable!!’
--X--
Vikram came out of the room saying goodbye. Next to
Pragya’s room was David’s cabin which was open, David looked at Vikram and
waved at him Vikram waved back and went towards the lift pressing G, the lift
opened after a while, there was a couple inside looking at him they seemed happy,
Vikram thought that they might be stealing some kisses or having good time and he disturbed them. This took him
to the chain of thoughts and memories of times, he spent with Jhanvi, his love, how many
times they stole kiss or two in the lift even when there were people around, he
thought of the comfort and understanding they shared, he wondered if he would
ever have a girl in his life as good as Jhanvi. "what if Jhanvi is already with
another guy maybe in some lift already, sharing those precious kisses" he thought. Knowingly or
unknowingly Vikram fell to another whirlwind of painful thoughts and panic and sat on the sofa on the ground floor with a cup of water
for a while.
He wondered if he should be going back to David for a round
of counseling and recalled what he had said earlier today “Vikram whatever you
are today or whatever you have got was not there a few years back, so you never
know what you have in future. All you can do is be happy and try your best for
your future and stop worrying about the past”. That was pretty much enough for
Vikram to bring back on his feet. He moved out of the hospital to look into
the future.
A couple of months later Vikram received a mail of hike and that was the hike that he has been expecting for, he was happy and he knew that. Like a topping on the cake, his sister and his nephews were coming for vacation. He felt he was happier than before and there was not even a blemish of sadness or worry about his past relationship.
It
was 4 months since he broke up and there was no trace of memories of Jhanvi
that was bothering him now. He felt happy and was wondering how the report read
by Pragya worked accurately. He wanted to share his feedback with Pragya and
David
--X--
At Pragya’s office. 'I had a small talk with David, I am
happy, it looks like things can be managed sometimes I even feel that I am better than
before. Thank you very much” said Vikram. “Nothing to thank I just did my bit, reading the reports' replied Pragya in a humble tone. Vikram greeted and left
Pragya’s office.
Pragya rested on her chair and was wondering if it
was that easy for her to forget. In split seconds she recalled all the memories and
promises made by her and Ashwin in their love. She recalled the wits and warmth
that he shared with her. How they made love the first time when they both were
left alone at a common friend’s place all alive and green in her memories.
'What do we now' asked Pragya, Ashwin looked at the board in
front and said 'We draw a beautiful cupid and wait until he strikes us' Pragya
was shy, the cupid did strike and rest was a memory. Tears rolled from her eye. The ones of
happiness or sadness was unknown even to her.
--X--
12:00 am in Cairo when Aarti was gently tapping her granddaughter to sleep her phone rings, the baby was wide awake with the ring and started to
cry. Aarti was confused were to look at now, cursing the phone for spoiling all the efforts she put she looked at it to see who called. It was Pragya on the other side.
‘en agatto ivalge’(wonder what runs in her mind suddenly). 'Pragya,
I just put your niece to sleep and do you hear her cursing you now' told
Aarti. 'that’s ok let her curse, she has taken my sweet mum there' replied Pragya joyfully.
Aarti could
sense the tinge of joy in her daughter’s voice which was not so often heard these days. so she asked 'en aithe ninge(What has
happened to you)?'. Pragya gave a pause and continued.
‘It’s a little selfish on my part that someone else’s
sadness has brought in a good change’ told Pragya. Aarti was puzzled ‘good change, what happened?’ Asrti asks. ‘Ma I have decided to stop taking Thymine’.
'oh my god, it's such a pleasure to hear that my dear, I am so happy. What made you
do this' asked Aarti. Pragya replied.
The baby was still crying while the women continued their talk.
--X--
Earlier that day.
While Pragya was having her coffee at her table,
she got a call from David. 'Pragya, Vikram is here to meet you'. Pragya was
wondering for while, what would have brought Vikram here and she asked David 'What
is wrong, he was alright?'. 'He has lost his mother' and there was a pause in
David’s voice, 'Please send him in' said Pragya.
Pragya could see the same drooping shoulder in Vikram’s
posture as she had seen months back. ‘Please come in Vikram, have your seat’
Pragya asked him to be seated in a chair next to him. ‘I got to know the news
from David, I am sorry for the loss’. Vikram did not answer. ‘When did it
happen?’ asked Pragya, trying to make Vikram speak.
'A weeks back, I was so much
attached to her, why is this happening to me again and again' Vikram expressed
his deep pain, almost crying. 'I totally understand Vikram, I am with you, I was wondering
what might have gone through your mind but these are the times of trouble that
we have to face, we are with you', said Pragya.
‘Can you do me a favor?’ Vikram asked felt like Vikram had come with a deep plan. 'Yes
please', said Pragya. ‘My father passed when I was in college, My mother has been
my source of support, even when Jhanvi left me she was the one who asked me to
come here, I want her memories to be with me alive always, Can I have the
thymine supplement, I feel that this is the least that I can do to my mother'.
Pragya had very little words after listening to this. Felt like both she and
Vikram are shared the same feeling but from different relationships.
She consoled Vikram with a lot of effort that day and asked we would observe for some more time before deciding on anything. As Vikram left the clinic for the day she was left with her thoughts and decisions.
Her attempt of holding on to a feeling with thymine was
shattered. She had her mother, her niece and everyone to comfort and she decided to love them all more than before and ringed Cairo WAKING UP THE CHILD
Nagabhushan R Anvekar
