Therapy

 Demotivation, lack of interest, feeling low has been pretty common these days in this situation of pandemic. I have had my share of trouble as well. Out of many ways that I tried to figure this out the one that stood out was looking into yourself. I will tell you how.

Basically one of my problems was I always had plans to complete a set of task in certain amount of time, I had set the limit high just to get that gush of motivation once I fulfill, I always knew that this was a big or unrealistic thing to achieve, may be at my prime I could have done that, I do not know. But some where down it was known that it was not easily achievable.

It might look quite obvious, but this was something which ‘looking into self’ helped me identify it is basically demotivating sub consciously as the task planned is huge. The message from within was something like, ‘wait, why this expectation, whom are you trying to prove, yourself, do you basically need proof of yourself I felt the ultimate motivation is to be happy. Break all the expectation and be happy’.

For that moment I felt like, this is how “Solution is within” looks like. So, what is looking inside you, why could I not look inside before are questions I am still trying to answer. But I felt that I got a glimpse of what is looking inside, when I asked myself these 2 questions:

“What makes me happy?”

I could think of food, sleep, companionship.

But then when I asked what makes me sad. I could not think of any. Am I basically not capable of sadness!! that was something wonderful for me so I went out to try this questionnaire with few I know and understand if it is the same with others, below are 4 such conversations. I might have tried to push people to get my answer but yes, it was for this writing. Ask yourself the same questions and see what you feel. If you have already got a glimpse of what I want to convey no need to read any further. If not or if you still wish to have a look.

(Though I have little experience of professional counseling I want say the therapists can do much better. I am just calling myself therapist here for the sake of presentation)

 

Conversation 1: -

Therapist: I will do a session of therapy Vinod(name changed), it is more of an experiment that I am doing.

“OK”

Therapist: Are you feeling at ease

“OK, there will always be something but yes that is fine”

Therapist: In my opinion you will feel at ease after this session, this is my feeling.

“Let’s see”

Therapist: Tell me this Vinod, what makes you happy now at this moment. Like basically.

“What else Nag, if all these tensions are solved, I would be happy”

Therapist: I understand the situation but we cannot set all those things right at this moment, let us think of what can make you happy this moment forget all that you have done but something very basically as a human being, what makes you happy?

“OK, I think good food and nice sleep, that makes me happy”

Therapist: That is nice Vinod, can you think of anything else like that.

(Long pause)“No I can’t think of anything further”

Therapist: OK, now can you tell what makes you sad basically, something similar like sleep and food

“Loneliness, Nag that is something which bothers me a lot”

Therapist: Yes, that is basic Vinod, like a need of being loved. But what bothers now for this moment just considering you as a human being.

“I don’t think there is any reason for sadness basically. If something that makes me happy like food or sleep is not fulfilled than I will be sad, If not there is no sadness Nag”

Therapist: What do you feel about this Vinod

“I feel happiness in me is something true and sadness derived, It feels good to know this”

 

Conversation 2(Over phone): -

Therapist: I will give you a small therapy.

"Yes sure"

Therapist: you are at ease right?

"Always at ease bro"

Therapist: You can consider me a friend or therapist or whatever.

"A friend I would say"

Therapist: Now tell me, what makes you happy basically.

"Well, listening to music makes me happy. If I have achieved something, that makes me happy. if I learn something new, I will be happy. if I meditate, I will be happier that day"

Therapist: Probably I should have underlined the word basically. Anyway, let's say that there are acquired tastes like some reward mechanisms activated with some practice like I would say learning, learning is an effort, you can't be happy immediately with it, if you have learnt something out of it, only then you would be happy. Similarly, with yoga it is not something which would have made you happy 20yrs back, so I feel it's kind of derived happiness. 

"Yes, 20yrs back I dint even know about yoga"

Therapist: So, yeah removing such derived happiness out. What makes you happy basically.

"So basically mmm. (A pause) Reading a book peacefully, but reading is also something I have acquired over time, travelling bro"

Therapist: Traveling is also something acquired I would say

"Yes right. I would say, talking to people bro"

Therapist : That is a sense of happiness that you get when you communicate yourself, I agree to that it is basic, something even more basic, like thinking beyond your personality like don't think from Pramod's(name changed) perspective but just as human being.

"Hmm, sitting idle bro that is something that basically makes me happy"

Therapist: That's resting, a basic need, something similar to that another thing that makes you happy?

"Hmm, cooking, yeah that is again acquired"

Therapist: Eating, would that make you happy.

"I would not say eating as a routine but if I eat something that I crave for on my cheat days, I would be happy"

Therapist: That is great, now can you tell me what makes you sad, again in a very basic sense

(A pause)"Hmm, if I have been idol whole day and I have not completed my tasks"

Therapist: That is sadness because of expectation you created for yourself, let's put aside expectations and think of sadness

"Then, it’s like if I want to cook something and then if I can't find it in my kitchen, I would be sad but then I would find an alternative but that urge to have it would be there"

Therapist: But again, I see an expectation coming into picture. Like when we spoke about happiness it was rest and that was very basic, can we have something on similar lines when it comes to sadness.

(Long pause) no bro I don't think I can be sad basically but it is more due to something that is not happening right around, like someone has passed or if there is lack of inspiration which is again an expectation but basically there is no reason for me to be sad now or honestly I am not able to figure out.

Therapist: Yeah something similar to this is what I was trying to get to. Tell me what you felt about our short talk.

"I feel I am a good person, there are more reasons to be happy and no sadness inside"

Therapist : Yes bro, I also asked myself this but I could not figure out something that can make me sad, of course if my needs are not fulfilled I will be sad but happiness was easy, that is how a child is I guess always trying to be happy.

 

Conversation 3: -

Therapist: are you at ease

(Corrects his posture) "yes I am"

Therapist: do you take me as a therapist

(Smiles) "yes bro"

Therapist: so, what makes you happy basically

A very well served tasty food and a good sleep in a very basic sense 

Therapist : you just reached the crux of my intention, yes I wanted this answer, like forget your personality the name associated with you, but if I ask you as a human being I think these are things that makes us happy. Now tell me what makes you sad on similar lines

(After a long pause with a smile) there is nothing bro actually and it is amazing to know

Therapist: yeah that is what I wanted to convey with this, all our sadness are due to our expectations or some beliefs but basically we are capable of being happy only but not to be sad.

 

I understood there is difference between direct conversation and talking over phone so had another conversation directly.

 

Conversation 4: -

Therapist: Feel at ease, this is a session of therapy. Do you consider me a friend or a well-wisher right?

"Yes"

Therapist: Tell me what makes you happy? 

"If I don’t shiver and get back on my toe I would be happy"

Therapist: That is something that is acquired from your condition. Let us try to know what makes you happy without these conditions.

"If I can take care of my children well" 

Therapist: That is again the mother in you, but what makes you happy now, the most basic thing that you need.

"Probably, if I get good rest" 

Therapist: Yes, something like that.

A long pause... "No, I can’t think of any other"

Therapist: What if you eat well.

No, I feel hungry only at night only 

Therapist: OK, Now tell me just like that very basically what makes you sad now

After a long pause... "None"

Therapist: What do you feel?

"You are basically capable of being happy not to be sad"

Therapist: Yes that is right that is what I feel.

 

So yeah, unless there is a medical condition or an anxiety that there will be no food on our plate in near future we don’t have to worry, if there is one, question you may find an answer within. Let me know if you have any thoughts other ways we can have a chat.